


Moonlight on the Water

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-21
Updated: 2006-03-21
Packaged: 2019-02-02 15:48:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12729540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Daniel remembers more than he wants to.





	Moonlight on the Water

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

The beams of the morning sun slanted through the blinds, banishing the last of the night's shadows. A small brown bird, bathed in a golden halo of light, twittered a hymn to the beauty of the new day from its perch on the windowsill. Inside, the man lying across the bed cursed. One questing hand groped for a pillow, pulling it closer so he could burrow under it. Sunlight slowly filled the room. It crept across the dirty bare feet hanging off the bed. It highlighted the crests and creases of the rumpled clothing, and slithered under the edges of the pillow, making the man underneath groan. The bird flew off, seeking a more receptive audience. 

The pinging of an alarm clock finally forced the tousled brown head to emerge from its cover. With a word best reserved for back rooms, he flung the pillow with deadly accuracy. The incessant pinging was replaced by a single thud. 

Daniel rolled over, draping an arm across his eyes. He knew he needed to get up and shower. He had to be at the base soon. There was work to do, translations to finish, artifacts to catalogue. Of course, it would help if the room stopped spinning. 

Jack's face came to mind. Sympathetic brown eyes over a cocky grin. A tall glass filled with a rich amber liquid that caught the light. Music in the background. A woman's laughter. The smell of cigarette smoke in the air and the feeling of a hand on his shoulder. 

Once he felt fairly certain the walls were no longer wavering, he let his arm fall back to the bed and opened his eyes. A familiar blurry ceiling greeted him. He forced himself to sit up. His head pounded. His mouth tasted like a warthog had given birth on his tongue, then crawled down his throat to die. His knuckles hurt. He brought one aching hand closer to his grit-filled eyes. Upon inspection, he found the knuckles were split and raw. He flexed the fingers, grimacing at the discomfort. What the hell had he let Jack talk him into last night? 

Pushing off the bed, he wobbled into the bathroom. He ached from head to toe. His head was stuffy and there was a ringing in his ears. Looking down, he wriggled dirty toes against the tile floor and wondered where in the world his shoes and socks had gone off to. Shaking his head, a movement he instantly regretted, he began stripping. The sweater was tossed into a corner. He unbuttoned the jeans, slipping them off his hips and stopped. Where was his underwear? 

He closed his eyes trying to recall exactly what happened the night before. Bits and pieces floated to the surface, but nothing concrete. Nothing that made any real sense. He pushed the jeans off his sore hips and kicked them into the corner already occupied by the sweater. 

He reached into the shower stall and turned on the faucet. Adjusting the water, he stepped in and picked up the soap. He wanted to wash away the traces of the night before. He cleaned his abused hands and the grime from his feet. The lather rinsed clean the reek of sweat and alcohol from his skin. It washed the smoke and perfume from his hair. He yelped when his scrubbing hit a painful spot on his right hip. Twisting around he could just make out the edges of a bruise, already a dark stain on his light skin. 

Daniel leaned his forehead against the wet tiles and tried to organize his jittery thoughts. He'd been on base for the past few days, burying himself in his work. He'd closed his office door and ignored his teammates' invitations for coffee or a meal. Pleading his workload, he tried to lose himself in ancient languages and lost cultures. It hadn't helped. The ticking of the clock had thundered in his ears, reminding him of how easily time slips away. He worked harder, but the ticking was still there. It beat in time with his heart. Each tick coursed through his veins. Each tock resounded in his brain. Every minute slicing into him, a reminder of failed promises. He refused to let the tears fall. Instead, they bled inside, burning like acid down the tender flesh of his soul. Since sleep was impossible, he worked through the nights. He lied to his friends, telling them he'd grabbed forty winks on the couch in his office, or in one of the bunk on base. He'd finally ventured as far as the cafeteria out of necessity after a wave of dizziness had dumped him from his chair. The food had tasted like ashes in his mouth, the coffee like bile. 

Jack had finally cornered him yesterday. He insisted on taking Daniel out to dinner, refusing to take no for an answer. They argued. Jack won by playing dirty. He'd threatened Daniel with a trip to the infirmary to prove to Janet that he wasn't half starved and sleep deprived. Knowing he was beaten, he'd changed into his street clothes and let Jack drive him into town. 

Daniel remembered a steak and baked potato being placed in front of him. He remembered a tall glass of beer and a short shot. He remembered drinking both, but couldn't recall putting the first bite in his mouth. There seemed to be more shots . . . After that, his memory fizzled. 

He reached out and turned off the faucet. With a shiver, he stepped out of the shower stall and toweled dry, trying to ignore the aches and pains the activity elicited. He wrapped the towel around his waist, dry swallowed a couple of aspirin, and brushed his teeth. The minty toothpaste helped dispel the horrible taste in his mouth. After wiping the condensation from the mirror, he picked up his electric razor to deal with the shadow dusting his jaw. 

A memory came to him, accompanied by the buzz of the razor. Words warred inside his skull. Voices overlapped, his, Jack's, and Ke'ra's. 

_I recently lost my wife . . ."_

_"You are not from Vyus."_

_"I'm flattered and very, very attracted . . ."_

_"I'm not saying that the first woman you fall for since Shau're isn't a peach, but if she remembers who she is you'll be the first to go . . . "_

_"Who would you trust most with your life more than anyone else in the world? Don't worry. I won't be offended if you don't pick me."_

_"Teal'c, refresh my memory. What was your previous occupation?"_

_"She is not the same person. She is not who she used to be."_

_"She deserves a chance."_

She got her chance. Ke'ra was reborn on Earth and returned through the Stargate to Vyus. Linea, the Destroyer of Worlds, died and was buried under the weight of a Colorado mountain. Daniel's second chance died stillborn. 

Face presentable, he cleaned the razor and put it away. He dressed on autopilot, his hands busy with the mechanics of dressing while his mind whirled with images of light and darkness. 

Stars in a black sky. Yellow light puddled on a cracked sidewalk. Moonlight on dark water. Colorful florescent advertisements. Shadows in the depths of a glass. The surprised look in the eyes of a stranger as his fist impacted the man's jaw. 

Shit. 

The mattress creaked under his weight. He braced his elbows on his knees, cradling his aching head in his hands. More snatches of memory fell into place. Jack had taken him out to eat. When that hadn't worked, he'd taken him out for a few drinks. To 'unwind' Jack had said. He'd unwound all right. He remembered knocking back the lion's share. They'd sat in a crowded bar, silently drinking while all around them the tide of conversation and laughter surged. Eddies of cigarette smoke swirled in the air. He remembered a giggling college girl slipping up to him, her breasts pressed into his side as she asked him to buy her a drink. Heady perfume tickled his nose. Curly blonde hair tickled his cheek. He shook his head at her, closing his eyes to that young, eager face, those full lips, and lust filled eyes. She walked off, leaving the impression of her breasts burned into him. 

_"Buddy, I think you've had enough," the bartender said. Jack was already standing. Daniel shook his head, keeping a white knuckled grip on his glass._

_"I'll say when I've had enough."_

_"Around here, I'm the one who says it. And I say you've had enough."_

_"Come on, Daniel," Jack said, his hand wrapping itself around Daniel's upper arm. "Let's call it a day."_

_"No. I want another," he waved the glass towards the unsmiling face of the bartender._

_Jack shook his head. "'Fraid not. Let's go."_

_"Go home and sleep it off," the bartender threw in._

_"Go home?" Daniel shook off Jack's hand, bitter laughter welling up._

_"Home? I can't go home. I don't have one. Not anymore."_

_"That's too bad, but you can't stay here. You can leave with your friend or with the cops."_

_"Daniel, it's time to go." Grabbing a fistful of Daniel's shirt, Jack pulled the unsteady man off the barstool. Daniel teetered and almost fell, but Jack slipped an arm around his waist and hoisted him up. He worked Daniel's unresisting arm across his shoulders and managed to get him walking towards the door._

_"I can't go home, Jack. Not without Shau're." He looked up into brown eyes that mirrored his pain._

_"We need to get you back to your apartment and let you sleep this off."_

_"It won't help. Nothing does."_

_"I know. Tonight was a bad idea. I'm sorry."_

_"Not your fault, Jack. I should have let her come with us. She wanted to, you know, but I said no, she needed to stay. My fault."_

_They staggered out into the cool night air. A bloated moon glowed sickly white overhead. Jack's truck was parked along the curb further down the street. The headlights of passing cars flashed across their faces as they slowly made their way. A small group of laughing men spilled out of a neighboring bar. They lurched across the pavement, slamming into the two men, knocking them all off step._

_"Hey, watch where you're going, you idiot," one of the drunks yelled, shaking a fist in the air. The mood of the group turned ugly in a heartbeat. Jack had let go of his friend to face the red-faced reveler and his muttering buddies. Bereft of support, Daniel reeled into another man who violently shoved him away. Overbalanced, he fell. His butt hit the concrete with enough force to rattle his teeth._

_"Back off," Jack barked, imposing himself between the downed man and the main group of irate drunks._

_"What's the matter?" the drunk sneered. He put his fists on his hips and squinted at the man getting to his knees. "Pretty boy too drunk to stand up on his own?" The others joined in the laughter._

_Daniel climbed to his feet, sidestepped Jack, and sent one fist flying to connect with the laughing man's jaw. The drunk flew backward, landing against one of his buddies. Both men went down in a heap. Jack grabbed Daniel by the shoulders, swinging the unsteady man around so he was once again behind him._

_"Damn it, Earl, get off me," the drunk on the ground demanded, pushing at the bulk on the man sprawled on top of him. The other men moved forward to help their friends. Jack backed up, forcing Daniel to back up with him._

_They made it to the truck without further incident. He steadied Daniel against the cab with one hand as he fished his keys out of his jacket pocket with the other._

_"I'm sorry about, well, you know," Daniel slurred. He leaned his forehead against the chilled metal of the cab._

_"I shouldn't have brought you here," Jack said, inserting the key into the lock._

_"No, I mean earlier. In the briefing room. That business about Teal'c."_

_"Oh." The truck door opened, the interior light coming on. Jack's hands were on him, guiding him inside. His feet felt like lead as he tried to step up on the running board._

_"I was angry."_

_"I know." Jack boosted Daniel into the seat and reached around him to tug the seat belt into place._

_"It wasn't fair."_

_"It never is."_

_"She deserved a chance to live, to be free. I owed her that." Jack didn't answer. He shut the door and walked around the front end of the truck. "I couldn't save her. No one could."_

_"I'll have you home in a minute."_

_"Jack?"_

_"Yeah, Daniel?"_

_"She's better off, isn't she?"_

_Jack turned to look at the man beside him, pretty sure he wasn't talking about Ke'ra anymore. Bloodshot blue eyes fairly pleaded with him to agree. The silver head slowly nodded. Daniel sighed and closed his eyes. The engine roared to life, making the world sway._

The sharp ringing of the doorbell shattered the memory. His head snapped up at the sound, the movement making the throbbing in his skull worse. Sniffling, he hauled himself to his feet with a groan and made for the door. 

"Morning, Daniel," Jack greeted him as he opened the front door. He frowned at the older man. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"Thought you might like a ride in this morning. Your car's still at the base, you know." Jack smiled and shoved both hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. He raised an eyebrow at the flushed face of the silent man in the door. With a grunt, Daniel turned aside and let Jack in. 

"Feeling like shit?" 

"You could say that." 

"If you want to stay home today, I can square it with the general. You could go back to bed and get some rest," Jack offered as he followed the shuffling form of his friend further into the apartment. 

"Since when is getting shit-faced an excuse for missing work?" 

"So I'll tell him you're coming down with the flu." 

"You'd lie to General Hammond?" Daniel shot a look over his shoulder at the man behind him. Jack's grin was making him edgy. 

"I've done it before." He shrugged. "Besides, it might not be far from the truth after your little late night swim." 

"Huh?" He turned to face Jack, surprised blue eyes staring into laughing brown eyes. 

"Jumping in a park fountain in your birthday suit this time of year isn't high on anybody's list of good ideas." 

"Don't tell me. . . " Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes screwed shut. 

"What, you don't remember that? Damn, knew I should I have gone back for a camera." 

_Daniel opened his eyes to find Jack had parked in front of his building. The street was quiet. Light from the dashboard revealed Jack unbuckling his seat belt. Daniel turned his face away. Across the street was the entrance to the small park. Lamp poles cast a glow along the winding path disappearing into the depths of the park. Undoing his belt, he pushed open the door. Jack flashed him a smile and climbed out as well, but instead of going around the truck to join his friend, Daniel struck out across the empty street. Jack caught up to him just inside the park entrance, beside the marble fountain. The pool beneath reflected the starlight in its black depths. Daniel walked beside the raised edge of the pool._

_"Daniel, what are you doing?" Jack asked as he took two steps around the pool. Daniel took two steps backwards, keeping the fountain between them. Jack stopped, crossing his arms._

_"I can't do it." Moonlight glinted off his glasses as he shook his head._

_"Do what?"_

_"Keep going. Keep trying."_

_"Things will look different tomorrow."_

_"No, they won't."_

_"No, they won't, but that isn't any reason to give up. I know what you're going through. After I lost Charlie, I didn't think I could go on either. I didn't want to. Hell, I thought I found the perfect way out so I didn't have to."_

_"It's not the same."_

_"Not exactly, but the loss is just as sharp, the pain just as deep."_

_"I've been holding onto hope for so long. Everyday, I'd get up with hope. I'd step through that gate with hope. I'd go to bed alone, curled up around that hope. Now it's gone. There's nothing left except my promise to find Shau're's baby."_

_"Daniel . . ."_

_"I know you don't believe me, but you know what? I don't care. I don't care that you don't believe me. I don't care about my promise. I don't care anymore."_

_"I don't believe that, and neither do you."_

_Daniel blew out a noisy breath. "It'd be easier."_

_"It'd hurt a hell of a lot less, but you don't have it in you not to care. That's not who you are."_

_"I don't want to care. I'm tired of hurting." He sank down to sit on the lip of the basin, staring at the moon's reflection in the pool. One hand slipped into the black water._

_"I know." The night stretched between them. The light breeze rustled the branches of the surrounding trees. The fountain tinkled and splashed. The hum of a motor from the road reached them. "Why don't we go inside?"_

_"Give me a minute, will you?" the quiet request carried on the night air. Jack nodded and turned to retrace his steps. He hadn't gotten far with the sound of a loud splash made him spin around. He ran back to the fountain to find Daniel had pulled off his sweater and jacket and thrown them to the ground along with his discarded shoes and slacks._

_"What are you doing?" Jack demanded of the seminude man kneeling in the pool. The mist from the fountain glistened silver on his back as he bowed down letting the cold water lap against his chest and shoulders. "Damn it, are you trying to get pneumonia?"_

_"Moonlight on the water, Jack." For a moment, Daniel lifted eyes raw with emotion to gaze unseeing into Jack's worried face before refocusing on the pool's surface. "Moonlight on the water."_

_"Daniel, I want you to come out of there right now. It's too cold for this. You're going to make yourself sick." Instead of answering, Daniel lifted a cupped hand in front of his face and letting the water pour from his fingers back into the pool. He seemed to have forgotten the other man's presence. "Don't make me come in there and drag you out."_

_Just as he was about to kick off his shoes, Daniel stood up. He took a couple of unsteady steps towards the edge of the pool. Jack reached out and grabbed the shivering man by the arm, pulling him out. He scooped up the sweater and jacket from the ground, forcing them into trembling hands. He bent over to retrieve the pants and shoes when a wet slap made him turn his head. Daniel had thrown his wet briefs aside._

_"Crap, Daniel," Jack jumped forward thrusting the slacks into icy hands. "If the police don't nab you for drunk and disorderly, it's going to be for indecent exposure. How the hell am I supposed to explain that Hammond? Hurry up and get these pants on."_

"Shit." 

"Coming back to you now?" Jack asked. 

"Oh shit." Daniel scrubbed a hand over his face, eyes closed against the memory of the night before. 

"Got to hand it to you. When you decide to throw inhibitions away, you don't fool around." 

"It was the moonlight on the water." Daniel opened eyes that weren't seeing the concerned face of a friend. A faraway light gleamed in those blue depths. 

"You said that last night. It doesn't make any more sense sober." 

"After you went back to Earth, Shau're and I exchanged formal vows in front of the whole city. The celebration took place in the cool of the night. It was a huge feast, with music and dancing. The vows were read over us. Kasuf presented us with a bowl of water. We both drank from it to symbolize our union," Daniel's voice softened. His eyes focused on something only he could see. A small smile played on his lips as he relived that night years ago. "The moons were full. They were blazing so bright we didn't need torches to see. As we lifted the cup to drink, one of the moons was reflected in the water, turning it silver. I took my sip and looked up to see moonlit tears in Shau're's eyes. After all we'd been through, all we'd said and done, she still couldn't believe I was actually staying with her, that I loved her as much as she loved me. She didn't understand that she was everything to me." 

"You never gave up, never stopped trying. She knew that," Jack said, his voice strong with his conviction. Daniel looked away in shame. 

"I wanted to last night." 

"But you didn't and you won't." 

"No," he said with a sigh. "I have a promise to keep." A hand on his shoulder startled him. 

"I'll do whatever I can to help." 

Daniel's brow creased as he studied his friend. "I thought you didn't believe me." 

"It doesn't matter what I believe," Jack said, giving the shoulder a squeeze before dropping his hand. "You believe it, and I believe in you. That's enough." 

"Jack?" 

"Yeah, Daniel?" 

"Thanks." 

"Anytime." 

A sudden violent sneeze took both men by surprise. Daniel sniffled and rubbed his nose against the back of his sleeve. 

"Jack?" 

"Yeah, Daniel?" 

"About that offer for a day off?" 

"It's yours. Now go back to bed." 

"Thanks." 

"Anytime."


End file.
